A New Story Begins

I have begun the actual writing on that third novel. I have spent so much more time planning/researching/plotting and whatnot for this one than for any of the others (there was a decent amount of medical-related research for the second one, but this is different). It's the first time I've ever had to do true "worldbuilding". It can be fun, but it can also be...well, a pain in the arse.

So, here's the first section of the first chapter. I have more than that written, but it's a nice, complete scene. It's just over 5 pages, or about what an agent/editor would be likely to read before deciding whether or not to toss the whole thing into the bin, or keep reading. If anyone has any impressions or comments, I'd love to hear them (positive or negative, honestly). It is the first and roughest draft, and I haven't reworked it at all yet.

Varin caught himself slipping off the boulder just in time to keep from hitting the ground. He had a brief moment of confusion as he regained his position, then looked around to make sure no one had seen him. There was no one on this path into town—anyone coming in to Arforah had most likely taken the main road. That was part of the reason he and Lista liked to meet along this path. It was quieter, cooler, and there was little chance they’d be interrupted on their walk back into town, short as it was from this point. It was one of the best ways to unwind after a long day, and he was certainly feeling the strain after this one. Muscles he had forgotten he had were sore.

He settled himself back on the rock, kicking his feet in time to a melody in his head. The shadows looked wrong, and it took a moment to realize why—if he’d been sitting there long enough to doze off, then she must be running late. But even if that were the case, there should still be more light. He looked up through the trees, figuring perhaps another spring storm was on the way, but the sky was perfectly clear. He’d give her another two minutes, and then head towards Cereto. In the meantime, he’d rest his eyes.

He heard Lista coming down the path at exactly the two minute mark. He slid off easily, waiting for her bright hair to make an appearance through the trees. Crouching behind the rock, he smiled to himself. As soon as she got close enough, he’d jump out and grab her. He could hear her yelp and easy laugh in his head, and the grin spread wider.

There was a scream as he pounced, but it wasn’t the one he expected. He’d barely registered the different sound and a blur of grey before a fist slammed into his bicep. “Ouch!” He rubbed his arm and took a step back. “Geez, I’m sorry, Eirene. I thought you’d be Kallista. Weren’t you two together?”

Eirene’s brow furrowed as she smoothed her silvery hair back from her face. “You mean she didn’t pass by here?”

“No.”

“That’s odd. Maybe she stopped to pick some of the sugarberries she saw on her way out this morning. She mentioned them when we set out.”

Varin shrugged. “I bet you’re right. I’m going to head east though, and look for her. We should have been back to town already. She probably lost track of time.”

“Probably.”

He could tell from the half-hearted echo that Eirene didn’t believe it entirely, either. Something gnawed at him in the center of his chest, but he pushed it aside. Lista knew these woods even better than he did. The odds of her getting lost along the path were nonexistent. “You should head back to your parents’ place. I know they’re all anxious to have you visit.”

Eirene bit her lip. “Soon. I’ll come with you, though. Unless you mind?”

He smiled, but it felt tight. “No, of course not.” They walked along, feet padding over the fresh blanket of leaves left strewn about after yesterday’s storm, each keeping an eye out for a glimpse of Lista’s figure through the trees. “Why did you and Lista separate?”

“I told her to go on ahead without me. I wasn’t feeling well, and she was worried about being late to meet you. She was worried about me, but I told her it was just the baby and she eventually picked up the pace while I sat for a bit.”

Varin just nodded. He’d forgotten Eirene was already expecting. He couldn’t see it. It had been a month since her wedding, but the ceremony had been in Cereto; it had been a fairly small affair, and he hadn’t gone. Lista had been involved, of course. It was hard to keep the two girls separated for long, though things might be changing now that the other girl lived in the Palladus city with her husband. Cereto was nearly four times the size of Arforah, and as nice as it was, Varin couldn’t quite see himself settling there. He hadn’t discussed it with Lista yet, but he was fairly certain she would be okay with staying where they had both grown up, with their people. The farther they walked, the more that unsettled feeling increased. “Where exactly did you two separate?”

“Just this side of the bridge.” Her hand went to her middle and rubbed briefly. “I couldn’t imagine she’d be too—”

Her voice was lost in a crash of thunder. Eirene jumped and grabbed onto Varin’s arm, and he let her hang on instead of shaking her off. His ears rang, and he shook his head to clear it. “What was—” His voice faltered as a scream drifted through the air. It wasn’t the startled, amused shriek he’d hoped to hear ten minutes ago. It was the same voice, that much he knew for certain, but the owner was either terrified, or in great amounts of pain. “Lista.”

He took off running towards the sound, which lingered for much longer than seemed possible. He could hear Eirene calling after him as he sprinted through the woods, dodging trees and logs hidden under moss, but he didn’t slow. The scream seemed to come from all around him, sustained by an infinite stream of breath behind it, and Varin had a hard time pinpointing the exact origin of the sound. It cut off suddenly, leaving behind a sharp silence, where not even the rustling of the leaves could be heard. Varin stood still, trying to survey everywhere at once, his heart thudding painfully beneath his ribs. Three-quarters of the way through his slow spin, he saw caught a glimpse of cinnamon colored hair among the damp leaves.

Dropping to the ground, he rolled Kallista onto her back. Her eyes were half-lidded, and for a sickening moment, he was sure she was dead. Pressing his ear to her chest, he could hear a faint rhythm, slower than the blood pounding through his body. He let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and called her name, his voice sharp, and getting sharper with each repetition. He kept waiting for her to stir, but she continued to lie face turned to the sky, taking breaths small enough or slow enough that he couldn’t see them.

“Is she…?” came weakly from his elbow and he almost pitched forward, startled by the noise.

“No. She’s alive. But we’ve got to get her back to Arforah.”

“What happened to her? Is she hurt? I don’t see any blood—”

“Your guess is as good as mine. It doesn’t matter at the moment. We’ll get her back home and the Pleiones can take care of her. Grab her things.”

“Can you carry her on your own?”

Varin didn’t answer. He doubted Eirene would be able to help if he’d needed her to, but he knew it wasn’t going to be a problem. Lista was a year older than he was, but she was quite petite, and he’d carried her on his back while they’d taken walks through the forest before. Carrying her in his arms shouldn’t be that much harder.

He realized how wrong he’d been before they even made it into the village. She was still light enough to carry, but now she was all dead weight (he refused to think of that term literally, and shoved it roughly out of his mind), and his muscles had been fatigued even before he’d scooped her up against him. By the time he stepped into Arforah, he wasn’t sure he could move her much further. “Quick. Get somebody. Find a Pleione. Any one you can. I’m going to try to get her home.” His throat burned raw, but it only registered at the back of his consciousness. He’d take care of himself after he got her help. He didn’t hear Eirene reply, but he could sense her move away from behind him.

Her house was on this side of the village, but he hadn’t gotten more than a half track into Arforah before someone had spotted him. “Varin? Is that Kallista?” Too sapped to speak again, he nodded. Ruele approached him at a run. “Here, let me help. What happened to her?”

He swallowed, ignoring the strain, and forced his voice to work. “Don’t know. I sent your sister to find a Pleione.”

“Eirene’s okay?”

Varin nodded, letting Ruele take Lista from his arms. She moaned low and long, and the fire in his throat and in his muscles dipped to make room for the pain in his chest again. It was the first sound she’d made since he’d found her.

As big as he was, Ruele moved a lot faster than Varin had. Once they passed the threshold of the stone cottage, Varin lost track of everything. He saw everything in little stops and starts—seeing Lista laid upon a bed, her parents moving back and forth, and three separate Pleiones flying in and past him, like he meant nothing. Eventually, Ruele came out holding a glass of water, making him drink it before he answered any of the questions Varin threw at him. It didn’t matter much; Ruele had few answers to give.

“What do you mean, they don’t know what’s wrong with her? That’s half of what they do! What good are healers if they can’t do anything for her?”

Ruele ran his hands through his hair. It was lighter than his sister’s. This was one of the few times Varin had ever seen him without it secured at the base of his neck, wrapped with a small bit of leather. “They’re trying. They just… haven’t seen anything like this before. The only thing that’s even come close was what happened to Thais.”

Varin jumped up from his chair. The room spun around and he gripped the edge of the small table in front of him, knocking over the empty glass. Ruele set the glass upright, not looking directly at him. “But this can’t be the same thing. He was in a bar fight. Lista said there was blood everywhere when they brought him in. She doesn’t have a scratch on her.”

“I didn’t say it was the same thing. I just said it’s something new to them, and so was that. The Pleiones would like to speak to you about what happened.”

“I don’t know what happened.”

“I know. I told them that. But they still want to speak to you. They think maybe there’s some detail they don’t know that might help. Will you go over what happened with them?”

Eyes squeezed shut, Varin nodded. Anything that might help. He sat down again as Ruele left the room and took a breath as he opened his eyes and dropped his gaze to his feet. “Rue?”

“Yes?”

“Has anyone told Cyne what you told me? About it maybe being like Thais?”

Ruele paused. “No.” Without another word, he ducked back inside the bedroom.